Welcome to the first Fostering & Permanency Newsletter for 2023

Christmas Pool Party 2022

We had the first Christmas party in three years!  This is how it went - the photos say it all.

 

Congratulations and thank you to the following Carers on their first anniversary of caring

Lee-Anne Rhodes & Naomi Turnbull - 9^th February 2023

Kathleen Steele - 17^th February 2023

Jody Bell - 17^th February 2023

Family Inclusion Services in the Hunter (FISH)  

Ongoing training Feb 22

This training presented Out of Home Care from a parents perspective. The FISH presenters are parents who have had children removed and may or may not be restored. Their experience is firsthand. It is thought provoking as shown in the following comments:

“I found the training to be very informative and very relevant for the work that we do. I particularly liked hearing the stories of the brave parents who shared. I found this to be very impacting and it was a good reminder how powerful and significant the parent-child relationship is, despite what may or may not have happened in the past."

Staff member

“I have been a carer for 14 years and have not seen or heard anything about the children/young people’s parents. You don’t get background information on them, so you paint your own picture and always feel like these people are bad parents.

It was so emotional to hear their stories and gave me empathy for what they have been through. I’m a mum and if my child was in care, I’d want my story told so I could work with everybody and not in the background. This was the most engaged I’ve ever been with any training I have done.

I spoke with one of the presenters. We had a chat, and it was nice to engage with her. It’s important to hear the other side and I am shocked at how the children are removed. The public needs to learn why the children are taken. Maybe as a community we might be able to help these people before the kids are taken - help as neighbours or friends to keep the kid with their parents.”

Carer

“This is the second time I have done FISH training and it’s by far my favourite. It grounds you and makes you consider and challenge your own work and gives you the inspiration to do more family work.”

Staff member

“I found the training to be informative. I think it seemed to be aimed more at how the staff could be more family inclusive and update notes on the family members - they aren’t the people they were when the child was removed so that should be documented. What the presenters were saying made you think about the child’s family in ways that you don’t think about them. I would have liked to have had more information on what carers could do to be more inclusive.”

Carer

“I loved the training. I found it really helpful for ways to help my child. I feel like I’m doing well with care, but it’s given me more insight into conversations with my child around her family and their perspectives. My child always feels awkward at family time when they bring gifts. Now I’m now able to explain that it’s a way for them to build a relationships and feel like they have a presence in the child’s life.

Carer

Whole Brain Strategy #3 

Engage, Don’t Enrage: Appealing to the Upstairs Brain

Before we can talk about strategy #3, we need to talk about the upstairs and the downstairs brain. To summarize what Siegel and Bryson say in their book, The Whole-Brain Child, the downstairs brain is well developed at birth and is responsible for basic functions, reactions, impulses, and strong emotions. The upstairs brain does not fully mature until we reach our mid-20’s and is responsible for sound decision making, control over body and emotions, self-understanding, empathy and morality. They go on to say:

“…the behaviours and skills we want and expect our kids to demonstrate, like sound decision making, control of their emotions and bodies, empathy, self-understanding, and morality – are dependent on a part of their brain that hasn’t fully developed yet. Since the upstairs brain is still under construction, it isn’t capable of fully functioning all the time, meaning that it can’t be integrated with the downstairs brain and consistently work at its best.”

Meaning the part we need to “work at its best” to help connect us with our children is sometimes unavailable to us, so we have to learn how to “engage” the upstairs brain and not “enrage” the downstairs brain. You could also think of an enraged brain as a brain in tantrum, and the authors go on to talk about the difference between an upstairs and a downstairs tantrum.

“An upstairs tantrum occurs when a child essentially decides to throw a fit … A parent who recognises an upstairs tantrum is left with one clear response: never negotiate with a terrorist … A downstairs tantrum is completely different. Here, a child becomes so upset that he’s no longer able to use his upstairs brain … He’s flipped his lid.”

So clearly the goal is no tantrums, but recognising the difference between your child’s tantrums can help you help the situation instead of exacerbating the situation. When your child has “flipped their lid,” their upstairs and downstairs brains are not working together. The downstairs brain has taken over, and you need to engage the upstairs brain so your child can move pass their tantrum. This is where Whole-Brain Strategy #3: Engage, Don’t Enrage comes in to play.

1. Giving Voice
2. Compromises/Shared Power

When my sweet little girl and I are in a disagreement over when to play with Barbies and she responds with a grimace and screams the words, “Fine, I just won’t play with anything!” I can choose my response. If I respond that my way is the only way, she and I will go round and round for as long as I try to convince her that I’m right. She will become angrier and more disrespectful in her choice of words; she will be enraged.

If I instead choose to acknowledge her feelings first by saying, “You sound angry,” this gives her voice and gives me the opportunity to continue: “Maybe we can work out a compromise. When would you like to play with the Barbies?” We don’t immediately agree; we have to find a compromise.  (The problem: I needed to take her younger sister downstairs to have a snack, and Elise wanted us all to play in her room first.) Elise suggested that we not go downstairs and have a snack, but that wouldn’t work for little sister. And my idea of going downstairs together and coming upstairs together didn’t work for Elise. We finally compromised and agreed that Elise could play upstairs for 10 minutes, then come downstairs for snack, and then we could all go upstairs together after snack.

I know it may sound silly, but if I had “forced” Elise to come downstairs, this would have enraged her downstairs brain. She would have stayed angry, probably screamed at me for a long period of time, not eaten (which can make the situation worse) and continued to spiral out of control. By acknowledging her feelings and giving voice to them and including her in the compromise process, she was able to engage her upstairs brain in the problem solving and be agreeable to the solution. Now in a perfect world, she would have remembered this process when she came downstairs 10 minutes later and disagreed with my choice of a healthy snack, but that just might be wishful thinking.

MFF Information Session on ‘Becoming a Carer for Kids’

Do you know anyone who lives on the Central Coast and would like more information about becoming a Carer? My Forever Family is holding an Information evening on March 21^st. See details in the flyer below and please pass them on if there’s an opportunity.

My Forever Family Events

MAR 13 - 7:30pm to 9:30pm  |  Online: Understanding guardianship of children in care

This session will provide a brief overview of some main Guardianship areas like; Planning for Permanency, Pre-assessment criteria and eligibility and what happens after a guardianship order is made.

MAR 15 - 10am to 11am | Online: Ask a cultural expert - Michelle Foster, Ngaramura Indigenous Corp.

This session will talk through the issues we are experiencing without Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander kids, in a safe, supportive environment, and work toward a tailored solution.

MAR 22 - 10am to 11am | Online: Catch up for a Cuppa with Kylie Anderson

Group is capped at 20 Carers only.

MAR 23 - 10am to 1pm | Online: Supporting Positive Cultural Identity

This workshop is designed to support kinship and foster carers to support children and young people in their care from diverse cultural and linguistic backgrounds to maintain and continue to develop a positive cultural identity.

MAR 28 - 10am to 11am | Online: Understanding children who have been exposed to violence

When children are exposed to domestic and family violence in the home, it is likely that they will also experience significant developmental consequences that impact on their emotional regulation, learning and behaviour.

MAR 31 - 10am to 11am | Online: Ask an Expert - Gail McCabe-Johnston, Counselling Psychologist

Gail works with children, families and adults who have experienced trauma. She has worked extensively in the areas of child protection, childhood trauma and attachment issues.

APR 3 - 10am to 12pm | Online: Understanding Adoption of children in care

This session will provide a brief overview of some main adoption areas like; What is open adoption? Planning for Permanency and Adoption and Aboriginal communities.

For more information, please contact: http://www.myforeverfamily.org.au/events

Upcoming weekend and school holiday activities!

SATURDAY, MARCH 25 - FREE - 8:30am to 4pm

Kurri Kurri Nostalgia Festival - The annual Kurri Kurri Nostalgia Festival is all about Rock n Roll, Classic Cars, Hot rods, Fashion, Music, Dancing and everything good about the 50’s and 60’s.
Col Brown Rotary Park  Cnr Barton St, Lang St, Kurri Kurri

TUESDAY, APRIL 11-21 - FREE - 10am to 1pm

Free Art classes by the Maitland River - These April school holidays, get the kids out for some fresh air and get creative with Free Art by The River on weekdays presented by The Levee, Maitland.

NO BOOKINGS REQUIRED
Bourke Street Link - The Levee Maitland High Street, Maitland

FRIDAY, APRIL 14 - FREE - 5pm to 9pm

Let’s Roller Skate - head down to Maitland regional Athletics Centre to enjoy a pop up roller rink, live music, roving performers, food trucks activities and more.
Maitland Regional Athletics Centre, Maitland

SUNDAY, APRIL 16 - $5.00 - 9am to 4pm

Lake Macquarie Kids Day Out 2023 - The perfect day out for kids! Join in this inaugural event! On Sunday 16th April 2023, Speers Point Park will come alive for all things family!
Speers Point Park

TUESDAY, APRIL 18 - $5.00 - 10am to 2pm

You and your teddy are invited to a Teddy Bear’s Picnic at the Hunter Region Botanic Gardens. BYO picnic and picnic rug. Food available for purchase on the day. Fairy floss stall, Hunter Heroes, food truck stalls, craft activities, games and nature tours. Book now at Eventbrite. 
Hunter Region Botanic Gardens 2100 Pacific Highway, Heatherbrae