Time and time again, we’re reminded that the most valuable currency we have in our interactions with those we support is simple… that is, our relationship. Especially in moments of crisis, this becomes everything.
If the person you're supporting doesn’t feel safe, connected, and empowered with you, then every strategy, task, and intervention becomes harder.
In a Support Worker's role that is filled with routines, housework, cooking, de-escalation strategies, admin tasks, and case plan goals, it’s easy to lose sight of the most important ingredient… building your relationship.
This month, I’m asking you to pause and reflect on how you’re being intentional in your day-to-day work. How are you investing in the thing that truly matters? Because relationships are the magic dust. Every moment of genuine connection builds trust, felt safety, and belonging, and those are the outcomes that change lives.
A wise worker once said, “When a Support Worker takes someone fishing, the goal isn’t to catch a fish… it’s to catch the kid.” Through time, consistency, and experiences.
So, take the time. Be intentional. Because in the end, relationships aren’t just part of the work, they are the work.
At Allambi Care, our work is assisted by the evidence-based Therapeutic Crisis Intervention (TCI) system. While TCI provides crucial skills for crisis intervention, its goal is to reduce and prevent crises by helping young people build lifelong coping skills.
A core component of this preventive work is building Developmental Relationships. These relationships are the ‘active ingredient’ in our services and are characterised by four key elements: Attachment, Reciprocity, Progressive Complexity, and Balance of Power.
They are built not in one grand gesture, but through a history of small, intentional, and positive developmental interactions. Let's explore how a simple activity, such as making pancakes, brings these four characteristics to life.
One could argue that you use Developmental Relationships daily, without even realising!
The Pancake Project: a recipe for the four key characteristics
Imagine you’re a Support Worker – "Cass" – and you’re in the kitchen with your young person, "Alex".
Here’s how making pancakes builds a developmental relationship.
- BUILDING ATTACHMENT: The Foundation of Trust & Safety
- Your Action: You start by tuning in. "Hey Alex, I saved this banana for us to make pancakes. I remember you said you liked them. I’ve also got chocolate chips to add in." You maintain a warm, calm presence and show you remember their preferences.
- The TCI Link: This is proactive emotional first aid. INTENTIONAL USE OF SELF (Attunement & Relationship Skills). By consistently showing you are attentive and reliable, you build a secure base. This secure attachment makes Alex feel safe enough to engage with challenges and makes de-escalation easier, as they see you as a source of support.
- FOSTERING RECIPROCITY: The "You and Me" Dance
- Your Action: The process is a back-and-forth exchange. "I'll hold the bowl; you can pour the milk." "Your turn to stir, then my turn to add the chocolate chips." You create a balanced, in-sync rhythm where both of you are active, contributing participants.
- The TCI Link: Using reciprocity teaches that relationships are a two-way street. This mutual engagement builds social skills and a sense of value, countering feelings of isolation or that they are a "burden." It moves the interaction from a transaction ("I feed you") to a genuine connection ("We created this together").
- INTRODUCING PROGRESSIVE COMPLEXITY: Scaffolding Success
- Your Action: You start with simple, achievable tasks (pouring pre-measured ingredients) and gradually introduce more complex ones (cracking an egg, flipping the pancake). You offer a demonstration first, then guided support, and finally, cheer them on as they do it independently.
- The TCI Link: This is the essence of scaffolding. By breaking down tasks and offering the "just right" challenge, you build self-esteem and competence. Mastering skills in a progressive way reduces feelings of inadequacy, and they are capable of growth, which is a core goal of TCI.
- BALANCING POWER: Sharing Control to Foster Independence
- Your Action: You intentionally share decision-making. "Should we make them big or small?" "You are the boss of the toppings station." You follow their lead where it is safe and appropriate to do so, gradually shifting power and responsibility to them.
- The TCI Link: This is a powerful antidote to power struggles. TCI teaches us that when those we care for feel powerless, they may seek control through negative behaviours. By positively sharing power, we meet their developmental need for autonomy and reduce the likelihood of crisis behaviours.
Why this matters: the cumulative effect
The pancake isn't the goal; the process is. Each interaction is a deliberate practice in:
- Strengthening Attachment through reliable care.
- Practising Reciprocity through balanced exchanges.
- Encouraging growth through Progressive Complexity.
- Building autonomy through a Balance of Power.
You are not just making pancakes. You are conducting a daily, practical session in therapeutic care, building the very relationships that are the "active ingredient" in healing.
The Allambi Care Developmental Pancake Recipe
Method: A Guide to the Four Key Characteristics
Step 1: The Attachment-Building Pour
- Action: Begin by working side-by-side. You hold the bowl steady for them to pour, or vice versa. This simple, cooperative act builds a sense of teamwork and safety.
- Focus: Attachment - "We are in this together."
Step 2: The Reciprocal Rhythm
- Action: Create a "you stir, I add; I pour, you flip" pattern. This isn't one person doing everything: it's a balanced dance of give-and-take.
- Focus: Reciprocity - "We both contribute to this shared goal."
Step 3: The Progressive Challenge Flip
- Action: Start by having them observe the first pancake flip. For the next step, guide their hand on the spatula. For the one after, let them try solo while you offer verbal cues. Gradually increase their responsibility as their skill and confidence grow.
- Focus: Progressive Complexity - "I believe you can handle this next step."
Step 4: The Power-Sharing Topping Station
- Action: Set out all the toppings and give them full control over the final creation. This is their domain to command; a clear and tangible way you are sharing power.
- Focus: Balance of Power - "Your choices matter here."
Step 5: The Reflective Enjoyment
- Action: Sit down and eat together. Acknowledge the journey: "We made a great team. I was impressed by how you got the flip perfect on the third try."
- Focus: All Four Characteristics - This solidifies the attachment, celebrates the reciprocity, acknowledges the progressive mastery, and honours their power in the process.
Chef's Note: The most important ingredient is your intentional presence. Enjoy the process and witness the relationship rise.
We’d love to hear from you!
Your experiences matter. Let’s learn from each other!
What are you doing day to day to grow genuine developmental relationships?
What’s working for you in building connection, trust, and felt safety?
What’s a strategy, moment, or interaction you’re proud of?
Share your ideas with us at trainingprogram@allambicare.org.au